I recently read the excellent book Enjoy Every Sandwich:  Living Each Day As If It Were Your Last by Lee Lipsenthal, MD.  Lee was a doctor, diagnosed with esophagal cancer, who proceeded to write a book about what he was learning in the process of facing his mortality.  What makes the book especially poignant, is that the author died just 6 weeks before the book was published.

One perspective that I found especially helpful was turning the idea of a bucket list on its head.  So many of us hold a mental check list, popularized by media such as The Bucket List film (starring Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholson) and the “Places to see before you die . . . ” book series.  But Lee pointed out, upon facing his own death, that it really didn’t matter whether he had seen the Pyramids in Egypt or eaten Thai food in Thailand.

The only thing that really mattered to him was loving and being loved.  Period.  I suppose a life could be measured by accumulated vacations — and certainly, those experiences can be wonderful.  But at the end of the day (or the end of a life) love is all that really matters.  Have you put ‘love’ on your bucket list?

Expcerpted from the Newsletter,

 “Still Waters:  Tools and Resources for Living Deeply”

Ashley Davis Bush, LCSW is the author of

“Shortcuts to Inner Peace: 70 Paths to Everyday Serenity”

and

 “Transcending Loss:  Understanding the Lifelong Impact of Grief and How to Make it Meaningful”

My fourteen year old daughter has got modern multi-tasking down to a fine art.  I might not have believed it possible until I saw it in action:  she can watch a television program on her laptop, a music video on her tablet, and a text beckoning on her iphone, all at the same time.

As if this wasn’t enough, she can juggle these three screens while simultaneously doing ‘homework.’  It takes a virtual act of Congress to get her to stop all the screens, lock eyes with me, and give me her undivided attention.  And, I admit it, I’m not the most available person either when I get lost in my own agenda and my own thoughts.  

But what a pleasure when two people are actually present with each other.  With no internal or external distractions, it’s possible to be 100% available in the moment.  Being together in this way — laughing, touching, loving — that is truly a wonderful and increasingly rare gift.  

One of the primary reasons that psychotherapy is effective is that the undivided attention of the therapist is healing.  How many of us have our loved ones’ undivided attention for 50 minutes at a time?  This year for Christmas, all I want is presence . . . from all my loved ones.  In a time of multi-screens, uber-stimulations, and 24/7 distractions, I believe that presence is the most valuable present of all.  

Expcerpted from the Newsletter,

 “Still Waters:  Tools and Resources for Living Deeply”

Ashley Davis Bush, LCSW is the author of

“Shortcuts to Inner Peace: 70 Paths to Everyday Serenity”

and

 “Transcending Loss:  Understanding the Lifelong Impact of Grief and How to Make it Meaningful”

Sarah sat across from me with tears streaming down her face.  Her husband was killed in a car accident three years ago and now she had entered into the first romantic relationship since her husband’s death.  “I don’t understand how I can love someone new when I still love my husband.”

It’s true that Sarah’s love for her husband will be ever vibrant.  That love has infused itself into her being, allowing her to be the person she has become.  One task of healthy grieving is to cultivate a sustained relationship with the one who has died, an ongoing connection based on spirit and memory.

And yet it’s also true that Sarah’s relationship with her husband has changed.  Because his physical form is gone, she has space to create new physical relationships.  Even as she does this, she brings her husband’s love along with her.  

As she wiped her tears away, Sarah reflected, “I guess my husband opened my heart and now, it’s my choice to keep it open.”  Bringing the love and lessons of the past into the present, and then carrying them into the future is part of our journey as we grieve, grow, love, and continue to embrace life.

Expcerpted from the Newsletter,

 “Still Waters:  Tools and Resources for Living Deeply”

Ashley Davis Bush, LCSW is the author of

“Shortcuts to Inner Peace: 70 Paths to Everyday Serenity”

and

 “Transcending Loss:  Understanding the Lifelong Impact of Grief and How to Make it Meaningful”

I recently listened to a guided meditation that was not only interesting, but quite enlightening.  The soft female voice asked me to “jump into my partner’s body.”  I thought to myself, What?  “Don’t think too hard about it, just leap,” she continued. So I ‘leapt’ into Dan’s body.

From this new vantage point, I walked down the street, lifted things, touched things, saw life from the perspective of a 230 lb, 6′5″ male.  Through his eyes, I imagined his childhood as he experienced it.  I came home from work and greeted myself from his perspective.  It was, shall we say, eye opening.

The point of the exercise is to develop empathy and compassion for the other.  You can imagine a body exchange with anyone in your life - your boss, your children, your aging mother.  This really brings the idea of walking in another’s shoes to life. 

When we judge our loved one’s behavior from our own perspective, it is temptingly easy to blame or criticism them.  But this tendency softens when we discover the world through their eyes and in their skin.  Try this exercise for yourself and see if your relationships become more tender - and more peaceful.

Expcerpted from the Newsletter,

 “Still Waters:  Tools and Resources for Living Deeply”

Ashley Davis Bush, LCSW is the author of

“Shortcuts to Inner Peace: 70 Paths to Everyday Serenity”

and

 “Transcending Loss:  Understanding the Lifelong Impact of Grief and How to Make it Meaningful”

Life is filled with lots of different kinds of moments. Some moments feel stressful and overwhelming. Some moments are heartbreakingly sad. A few moments are ‘million dollar moments’ — mountain top experiences — such as weddings, births of children, graduations, promotions . . . or book launches.

For me, I’m thrilled to launch a book (on 11/1/11) for the first time in a decade. Like other ‘million dollar moments’, this one is fraught with a complex mixture of excitement, exhaustion, expectation, and a little anxiety. And like most moments, it will come and it will go.

I have found that while the big moments stand out in memory, it’s actually the smaller ‘penny moments’ that really add richness to my life. Noticing and savoring simple pleasures - a cornflower blue sky, a hug from a loved one, a phone chat with an old friend, hot tea on a chilly evening - these offer cause for quiet jubilation. Life offers its gifts moment by ordinary moment.

A few years ago, my husband and I began choosing sparkling wine on our evening restaurant dates. Often the waiter will ask us if we are celebrating anything special. “Yes,” we answer, “This moment.” Let’s celebrate.

Expcerpted from the Newsletter,

 “Still Waters:  Tools and Resources for Living Deeply”

Ashley Davis Bush, LCSW is the author of

“Shortcuts to Inner Peace: 70 Paths to Everyday Serenity”

and

 “Transcending Loss:  Understanding the Lifelong Impact of Grief and How to Make it Meaningful”