I placed a phone call to an elderly woman who was recently widowed.  When the answering machine picked up, I didn’t hear the customary greeting of “We’re not home; leave a message.”  Instead, I heard a voice say boldly, “Donald left this earth on February 26^th but I’m happy to say that we had thirty-three wonderful years together and I will always be grateful for those years.  Please leave a message.”

This message was not only open about death, but it was also full of gratitude for life.  I was struck by her willingness to hold her grief and love simultaneously.  Most people associate grief with only deep sorrow and overwhelming pain.  This widow stood in the dark and looked out into the light of love.

I often pose this question to grievers: if you could eliminate all of your heartache and grief, but in exchange you had to erase the relationship that

photo by Rick Evans

 brought you so much happiness, would you want this bargain?  The answer is unilaterally “no.”  No one would ever give up the love in order to give up the pain.

Grief is always attached to a deep love, a special relationship, a dear gift. Our gratitude for the love that was, the love that is, and the love that will always be forms a web of strength that grows in intensity. When we shift our attention from loss to the love that endures, a spirit of gratefulness begins to bloom.  

Expcerpted from the Newsletter,

 “Still Waters:  Tools and Resources for Living Deeply”

Ashley Davis Bush, LCSW is the author of

 “Transcending Loss:  Understanding the Lifelong Impact of Grief and How to Make it Meaningful”

 To order a copy Click Here

When I began my training as a psychotherapist over twenty years ago, I was assigned to work with a middle-aged woman whose sister had recently been murdered.  There I was, a young professional with very little life experience who had, until a few months previously, been pushing paper in a PR firm.  And yet I was asked to console this woman paralyzed by grief.

 To my surprise, I did just that.  I was able to listen compassionately and nonjudgmentally.  Inexplicably really, I could hear and understand her pain.  And I knew without a doubt that I had a calling to work with grievers, to help people in emotional pain. (more…)

“When one door closes, another door opens.”  I have always found this expression to be so comforting.  Even when it takes awhile to determine what door has opened and where, it always seems to be true.

I extend my thanks again for your support over these two years of blogging.  I have received so many kind and thoughtful responses, which I deeply appreciate.  As the “Transitions . . . where endings meet beginnings” blog ends, so begins the monthly newsletter, “Still Waters:  Tools and Resources for Living Deeply.” (more…)

I recently heard of a friend’s mother’s dying process.  “It’s just awful,” my friend said, “they’ve got hospice in the house and she’s just got a few days left.”  Meanwhile, I learned that this elderly woman is surrounded by her husband, children, and grandchildren, all of whom have had an opportunity to share their love. (more…)

I’m a Gleek, a devoted fan of the Fox show “Glee.”  I’ve been watching avidly for two years.  Although it’s a musical drama about a high school glee club, they sensitively tackle serious subjects like bullying, homosexuality, teen pregnancy, divorce, and now death.

As a grief therapist, I was curious to see how they might treat this subject in the most recent episode, “Funeral.”  Sue Sylvester (the viciously cruel gym teacher) lost her beloved sister and was devastated.  She shut down in her pain. (more…)