I watched, amused, as the young man spoke through gritted teeth, “Just take the picture!”  This man-child had his arm around his mother’s shoulders while his father snapped a picture saying, “You don’t start college every day, you know.  Smile.”  The younger man sighed with exasperation and walked briskly away, “No more pictures!”
 
This scene repeated itself across the campus as sentimental parents moved their children into dorm rooms.  The parents around me reluctantly pushed their offspring out of the nest even as the children were delighted to test their wings at last.
 
I too watched, misty eyed, as my daughter Elizabeth waved me off without the tiniest shred of ambivalence.  I was grieving even as my daughter was celebrating.  For me, a life chapter was ending; for Elizabeth, a new chapter shimmered enticingly before her. What would my new chapter look like?
 
The next day she called me, not to tell me she was homesick but to share her excitement.  As we chatted, I didn’t notice any of the ‘quit bugging me’ mentality that had shaded our interactions over the last few years.  In fact, I found her quite likeable . . . as if she was a new friend.  Hmmmm.  I think I’m going to like this new chapter, afterall. 

Expcerpted from the Newsletter,

 “Still Waters:  Tools and Resources for Living Deeply”

Ashley Davis Bush, LCSW is the author of

“Shortcuts to Inner Peace: 70 Paths to Everyday Serenity”

and

 “Transcending Loss:  Understanding the Lifelong Impact of Grief and How to Make it Meaningful”

I placed a phone call to an elderly woman who was recently widowed.  When the answering machine picked up, I didn’t hear the customary greeting of “We’re not home; leave a message.”  Instead, I heard a voice say boldly, “Donald left this earth on February 26^th but I’m happy to say that we had thirty-three wonderful years together and I will always be grateful for those years.  Please leave a message.”

This message was not only open about death, but it was also full of gratitude for life.  I was struck by her willingness to hold her grief and love simultaneously.  Most people associate grief with only deep sorrow and overwhelming pain.  This widow stood in the dark and looked out into the light of love.

I often pose this question to grievers: if you could eliminate all of your heartache and grief, but in exchange you had to erase the relationship that

photo by Rick Evans

 brought you so much happiness, would you want this bargain?  The answer is unilaterally “no.”  No one would ever give up the love in order to give up the pain.

Grief is always attached to a deep love, a special relationship, a dear gift. Our gratitude for the love that was, the love that is, and the love that will always be forms a web of strength that grows in intensity. When we shift our attention from loss to the love that endures, a spirit of gratefulness begins to bloom.  

Expcerpted from the Newsletter,

 “Still Waters:  Tools and Resources for Living Deeply”

Ashley Davis Bush, LCSW is the author of

 “Transcending Loss:  Understanding the Lifelong Impact of Grief and How to Make it Meaningful”

 To order a copy Click Here

We have been waiting months to learn where our daughter will be going to college this fall.  When the day finally came, we learned that her top college put her on their wait list . . . and so we wait some more.

I am reminded of all the times I’ve fretted and hurried in anticipation, only to receive information that required me to wait yet again. Waiting for medical results, acceptances, test outcomes, news – and more often than not, each temporary relief led me to more waiting, more uncertainty. (more…)

They handed her to me, still covered in the fluids of birth.  She might have been an angel sent directly from heaven.  10 fingers.  10 toes.  Two tiny, little ears.  She was perfect in every way.

And somehow, eighteen years later, she’s all grown up.  The time passed at once quickly and slowly:  lazy days  . . . lightning years.  In a singularly long blink of an eye, her childhood is over and now, at least in the eyes of the law, she’s an adult. (more…)

Here we are on the cusp of another year – time for my annual contemplative “Hope and Cope Report.”  Rather than making a stale New Year’s resolution, this is my tradition of intentional reflection.With 4 simple columns marked “Knowns”, “Unknowns”, “Hopes”, and “Surprises,” I fill in the blanks of the past year and create a new sheet with my best predictions for the coming year. (more…)