She walked to the front of the room and slid a daisy into the vase.  Speaking softly, almost as if to the flower, she murmured, “For my dear mother who passed away two months ago.”  I was on the second row, about to sing with a small group at this hospice memorial service.  The poignant flower ritual was designed to honor and remember the deceased.

The vase eventually filled to overflowing - each flower representing a life lived.  I had a flash that one day, perhaps, my loved ones would place just such a flower in a vase to represent my life on earth.

Isn’t it easy, I mused, to lose perspective. How often do we get caught up in the daily dramas of ordinary living:  kids growing up, financial transactions, business deals, and the minor bruises of living.  Isn’t it easy to ‘forget’ that the biggest transition of them all - from life to death - could come anytime, with or without warning?

So, let us stop and savor life . . why wait for our loved ones to honor us when we are gone?  Let us resolve to breathe in the full spectrum of being and unfurl into the moment, one petal at a time.  Yes, one day we will be remembered, a daisy in a vase.  Today, however, is our time to bloom.

Expcerpted from the Newsletter,

“Still Waters:  Tools and Resources for Living Deeply”

Ashley Davis Bush, LCSW is the author of

“Shortcuts to Inner Peace: 70 Paths to Everyday Serenity”

and

“Transcending Loss:  Understanding the Lifelong Impact of Grief and How to Make it Meaningful”

I recently read the excellent book Enjoy Every Sandwich:  Living Each Day As If It Were Your Last by Lee Lipsenthal, MD.  Lee was a doctor, diagnosed with esophagal cancer, who proceeded to write a book about what he was learning in the process of facing his mortality.  What makes the book especially poignant, is that the author died just 6 weeks before the book was published.

One perspective that I found especially helpful was turning the idea of a bucket list on its head.  So many of us hold a mental check list, popularized by media such as The Bucket List film (starring Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholson) and the “Places to see before you die . . . ” book series.  But Lee pointed out, upon facing his own death, that it really didn’t matter whether he had seen the Pyramids in Egypt or eaten Thai food in Thailand.

The only thing that really mattered to him was loving and being loved.  Period.  I suppose a life could be measured by accumulated vacations — and certainly, those experiences can be wonderful.  But at the end of the day (or the end of a life) love is all that really matters.  Have you put ‘love’ on your bucket list?

Expcerpted from the Newsletter,

 “Still Waters:  Tools and Resources for Living Deeply”

Ashley Davis Bush, LCSW is the author of

“Shortcuts to Inner Peace: 70 Paths to Everyday Serenity”

and

 “Transcending Loss:  Understanding the Lifelong Impact of Grief and How to Make it Meaningful”

Sarah sat across from me with tears streaming down her face.  Her husband was killed in a car accident three years ago and now she had entered into the first romantic relationship since her husband’s death.  “I don’t understand how I can love someone new when I still love my husband.”

It’s true that Sarah’s love for her husband will be ever vibrant.  That love has infused itself into her being, allowing her to be the person she has become.  One task of healthy grieving is to cultivate a sustained relationship with the one who has died, an ongoing connection based on spirit and memory.

And yet it’s also true that Sarah’s relationship with her husband has changed.  Because his physical form is gone, she has space to create new physical relationships.  Even as she does this, she brings her husband’s love along with her.  

As she wiped her tears away, Sarah reflected, “I guess my husband opened my heart and now, it’s my choice to keep it open.”  Bringing the love and lessons of the past into the present, and then carrying them into the future is part of our journey as we grieve, grow, love, and continue to embrace life.

Expcerpted from the Newsletter,

 “Still Waters:  Tools and Resources for Living Deeply”

Ashley Davis Bush, LCSW is the author of

“Shortcuts to Inner Peace: 70 Paths to Everyday Serenity”

and

 “Transcending Loss:  Understanding the Lifelong Impact of Grief and How to Make it Meaningful”

I recently listened to a guided meditation that was not only interesting, but quite enlightening.  The soft female voice asked me to “jump into my partner’s body.”  I thought to myself, What?  “Don’t think too hard about it, just leap,” she continued. So I ‘leapt’ into Dan’s body.

From this new vantage point, I walked down the street, lifted things, touched things, saw life from the perspective of a 230 lb, 6′5″ male.  Through his eyes, I imagined his childhood as he experienced it.  I came home from work and greeted myself from his perspective.  It was, shall we say, eye opening.

The point of the exercise is to develop empathy and compassion for the other.  You can imagine a body exchange with anyone in your life - your boss, your children, your aging mother.  This really brings the idea of walking in another’s shoes to life. 

When we judge our loved one’s behavior from our own perspective, it is temptingly easy to blame or criticism them.  But this tendency softens when we discover the world through their eyes and in their skin.  Try this exercise for yourself and see if your relationships become more tender - and more peaceful.

Expcerpted from the Newsletter,

 “Still Waters:  Tools and Resources for Living Deeply”

Ashley Davis Bush, LCSW is the author of

“Shortcuts to Inner Peace: 70 Paths to Everyday Serenity”

and

 “Transcending Loss:  Understanding the Lifelong Impact of Grief and How to Make it Meaningful”

My first born child, my oldest daughter, is graduating from high school this month.  Thirty years ago, I also crossed a stage, mortarboard on my head, and reached for my high school diploma.  I bear witness to the cycle of life.

Although I happily leave much of high school behind me, one aspect that I particularly enjoyed was hanging out with my friends and having what we called ‘deep’ conversations.  The discussions felt deep when we talked about what is ‘underneath’ the surface of day to day living.

I liked ‘going deep’ so much that I became a psychotherapist, grief counselor, and writer — all avenues of helping people live and love more deeply.  I companion people as they go below the surface of their lives, pointing to the buoyancy, balance and calm that already exist within them.

When we allow ourselves to live deeply, we savor our inner connection to love and joy and begin to cherish each step along our unique paths.  Even as we take our final steps, even as we ‘graduate’ to whatever comes next, we can savor the calm and vibrancy of life that comes with living deeply.

Expcerpted from the Newsletter,

 “Still Waters:  Tools and Resources for Living Deeply”

Ashley Davis Bush, LCSW is the author of

 “Transcending Loss:  Understanding the Lifelong Impact of Grief and How to Make it Meaningful”

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