Sarah sat across from me with tears streaming down her face.  Her husband was killed in a car accident three years ago and now she had entered into the first romantic relationship since her husband’s death.  “I don’t understand how I can love someone new when I still love my husband.”

It’s true that Sarah’s love for her husband will be ever vibrant.  That love has infused itself into her being, allowing her to be the person she has become.  One task of healthy grieving is to cultivate a sustained relationship with the one who has died, an ongoing connection based on spirit and memory.

And yet it’s also true that Sarah’s relationship with her husband has changed.  Because his physical form is gone, she has space to create new physical relationships.  Even as she does this, she brings her husband’s love along with her.  

As she wiped her tears away, Sarah reflected, “I guess my husband opened my heart and now, it’s my choice to keep it open.”  Bringing the love and lessons of the past into the present, and then carrying them into the future is part of our journey as we grieve, grow, love, and continue to embrace life.

Expcerpted from the Newsletter,

 “Still Waters:  Tools and Resources for Living Deeply”

Ashley Davis Bush, LCSW is the author of

“Shortcuts to Inner Peace: 70 Paths to Everyday Serenity”

and

 “Transcending Loss:  Understanding the Lifelong Impact of Grief and How to Make it Meaningful”

I recently listened to a guided meditation that was not only interesting, but quite enlightening.  The soft female voice asked me to “jump into my partner’s body.”  I thought to myself, What?  “Don’t think too hard about it, just leap,” she continued. So I ‘leapt’ into Dan’s body.

From this new vantage point, I walked down the street, lifted things, touched things, saw life from the perspective of a 230 lb, 6′5″ male.  Through his eyes, I imagined his childhood as he experienced it.  I came home from work and greeted myself from his perspective.  It was, shall we say, eye opening.

The point of the exercise is to develop empathy and compassion for the other.  You can imagine a body exchange with anyone in your life - your boss, your children, your aging mother.  This really brings the idea of walking in another’s shoes to life. 

When we judge our loved one’s behavior from our own perspective, it is temptingly easy to blame or criticism them.  But this tendency softens when we discover the world through their eyes and in their skin.  Try this exercise for yourself and see if your relationships become more tender - and more peaceful.

Expcerpted from the Newsletter,

 “Still Waters:  Tools and Resources for Living Deeply”

Ashley Davis Bush, LCSW is the author of

“Shortcuts to Inner Peace: 70 Paths to Everyday Serenity”

and

 “Transcending Loss:  Understanding the Lifelong Impact of Grief and How to Make it Meaningful”

Life is filled with lots of different kinds of moments. Some moments feel stressful and overwhelming. Some moments are heartbreakingly sad. A few moments are ‘million dollar moments’ — mountain top experiences — such as weddings, births of children, graduations, promotions . . . or book launches.

For me, I’m thrilled to launch a book (on 11/1/11) for the first time in a decade. Like other ‘million dollar moments’, this one is fraught with a complex mixture of excitement, exhaustion, expectation, and a little anxiety. And like most moments, it will come and it will go.

I have found that while the big moments stand out in memory, it’s actually the smaller ‘penny moments’ that really add richness to my life. Noticing and savoring simple pleasures - a cornflower blue sky, a hug from a loved one, a phone chat with an old friend, hot tea on a chilly evening - these offer cause for quiet jubilation. Life offers its gifts moment by ordinary moment.

A few years ago, my husband and I began choosing sparkling wine on our evening restaurant dates. Often the waiter will ask us if we are celebrating anything special. “Yes,” we answer, “This moment.” Let’s celebrate.

Expcerpted from the Newsletter,

 “Still Waters:  Tools and Resources for Living Deeply”

Ashley Davis Bush, LCSW is the author of

“Shortcuts to Inner Peace: 70 Paths to Everyday Serenity”

and

 “Transcending Loss:  Understanding the Lifelong Impact of Grief and How to Make it Meaningful”

Often when I get up in the morning, just as I begin the routine of showering, dressing, and eating, I am halted by my Zen master.  He insists that I stop, and asks me to be mindfully aware of the moment.  He stretches his black, furry body and meows.

Yes, my beloved black cat, Clover, is my guru of calm.  He visits me in the morning and insists that I still my chattering mind to be present with him.  He calls me to the floor and meows quietly in my ear.  He rubs against me, rolls on his back, and gently invites me to be aware of just . . . this . . . moment.

I find that animals are masters of mindfulness.  They live in the now, in the present moment, with no worries and no judgment.  For me, this lesson is necessary over and over again.  Most of us race through our days, rushing with thoughts and projects, deadlines and activities.  And whether we are feeling delighted or stressed, we find it hard to just be present.

Living mindfully (alert and aware without judgment) is a skill we can cultivate.  It helps to have triggers during our day to remind us to pause and be still for a moment.  A trigger could be a ringing phone, a chirping bird or your first sip of coffee.  Or, if you’re lucky, you might have a Zen master to teach you with an insistent, persistent ‘meow.’

*I first read of a Cat described as ‘Zen master’ in Eckhart Tolle’s A New Earth

Expcerpted from the Newsletter,

 “Still Waters:  Tools and Resources for Living Deeply”

Ashley Davis Bush, LCSW is the author of

“Shortcuts to Inner Peace: 70 Paths to Everyday Serenity”

and

 “Transcending Loss:  Understanding the Lifelong Impact of Grief and How to Make it Meaningful”

I just returned with my family from an overseas vacation.  Traveling as a party of two adults, four teenagers, and one child is no easy feat, but we had a wonderful time.  Adventures were a daily affair as we drove across Croatia, exploring medieval towns.  

Being away, I developed a palpable sense of gratitude.  There was gratitude for the simple things:  for a restaurant just when we needed food,for a clean bathroom (!), for a bed after a long day of plane rides.

photo by Oleg Prigoryanu

And there was gratitude for the bigger things as well:  for our good health, for our safety, and for our togetherness.

Sometimes in the midst of our daily routines, we slip into complacency.   We forget to be mindful of the miracles and gifts that surround us in the moment.  We take our blessings for granted, oblivious to the fact that our lives are less solid and less permanent than we’d like to believe.

As I return to the comforts and familiarities of home, I’m confronted with a growing ‘to do’ list, a grocery list and an errand list.  But I also emerge from my jet lag with a new list of appreciations.  This gratitude list is my new daily template - far more powerful than the others and hopefully, far more enduring.

Expcerpted from the Newsletter,

 “Still Waters:  Tools and Resources for Living Deeply”

Ashley Davis Bush, LCSW is the author of

 “Transcending Loss:  Understanding the Lifelong Impact of Grief and How to Make it Meaningful”

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