My fourteen year old daughter has got modern multi-tasking down to a fine art.  I might not have believed it possible until I saw it in action:  she can watch a television program on her laptop, a music video on her tablet, and a text beckoning on her iphone, all at the same time.

As if this wasn’t enough, she can juggle these three screens while simultaneously doing ‘homework.’  It takes a virtual act of Congress to get her to stop all the screens, lock eyes with me, and give me her undivided attention.  And, I admit it, I’m not the most available person either when I get lost in my own agenda and my own thoughts.  

But what a pleasure when two people are actually present with each other.  With no internal or external distractions, it’s possible to be 100% available in the moment.  Being together in this way — laughing, touching, loving — that is truly a wonderful and increasingly rare gift.  

One of the primary reasons that psychotherapy is effective is that the undivided attention of the therapist is healing.  How many of us have our loved ones’ undivided attention for 50 minutes at a time?  This year for Christmas, all I want is presence . . . from all my loved ones.  In a time of multi-screens, uber-stimulations, and 24/7 distractions, I believe that presence is the most valuable present of all.  

Expcerpted from the Newsletter,

 “Still Waters:  Tools and Resources for Living Deeply”

Ashley Davis Bush, LCSW is the author of

“Shortcuts to Inner Peace: 70 Paths to Everyday Serenity”

and

 “Transcending Loss:  Understanding the Lifelong Impact of Grief and How to Make it Meaningful”

I watched, amused, as the young man spoke through gritted teeth, “Just take the picture!”  This man-child had his arm around his mother’s shoulders while his father snapped a picture saying, “You don’t start college every day, you know.  Smile.”  The younger man sighed with exasperation and walked briskly away, “No more pictures!”
 
This scene repeated itself across the campus as sentimental parents moved their children into dorm rooms.  The parents around me reluctantly pushed their offspring out of the nest even as the children were delighted to test their wings at last.
 
I too watched, misty eyed, as my daughter Elizabeth waved me off without the tiniest shred of ambivalence.  I was grieving even as my daughter was celebrating.  For me, a life chapter was ending; for Elizabeth, a new chapter shimmered enticingly before her. What would my new chapter look like?
 
The next day she called me, not to tell me she was homesick but to share her excitement.  As we chatted, I didn’t notice any of the ‘quit bugging me’ mentality that had shaded our interactions over the last few years.  In fact, I found her quite likeable . . . as if she was a new friend.  Hmmmm.  I think I’m going to like this new chapter, afterall. 

Expcerpted from the Newsletter,

 “Still Waters:  Tools and Resources for Living Deeply”

Ashley Davis Bush, LCSW is the author of

“Shortcuts to Inner Peace: 70 Paths to Everyday Serenity”

and

 “Transcending Loss:  Understanding the Lifelong Impact of Grief and How to Make it Meaningful”

Sylvia, my client of several months, sat across from me, clearly agitated. This forty-something woman, mother of two teenage boys, going through a divorce but still living under the same roof with her soon-to-be-ex, crossed her denim clad legs exclaiming, “I’m SOOOO stressed out!”

“Have you ever tried meditation?” I asked.  After practicing meditation for quite a few years myself, I was convinced that it could help her.  But I was also ready for her response. (more…)

We have been waiting months to learn where our daughter will be going to college this fall.  When the day finally came, we learned that her top college put her on their wait list . . . and so we wait some more.

I am reminded of all the times I’ve fretted and hurried in anticipation, only to receive information that required me to wait yet again. Waiting for medical results, acceptances, test outcomes, news – and more often than not, each temporary relief led me to more waiting, more uncertainty. (more…)

I just returned from the Bahamas with my daughter, Victoria.  This was my third and final ‘Teen Trip’, 3 days and nights that I’ve taken with each of my children.  Of all the pleasures of the cruise — staring out to sea, being entertained by comedians, watching my daughter soak up the sun — what stands out the most was our snorkeling excursion. (more…)