- click here for The Do’s and Don’ts of Divorcing Well

 

The Six Secrets to Divorcing Well

1. Accept things as they are
     - We don’t have control over many changes in our life
     - Our grief is greater when we resist these changes
     - This moment, as it is, is the beginning of the rest of your life

2. Choose Your Lens
     - How we view our life situation is a choice
     - An ending is not necessarily a failure
     - Will your lens be one of war or peace?

3.  Don’t take the Bait
     - Antagonism can trigger resistance and aggression
     - When we are aware, we can choose to respond differently
     - Observe the gap between feelings and response

4.  Be Compassionate
     - Compassion for others is a rich source of inner peace
     - Your anger is your biggest enemy – foster loving-kindness
     - Label your thoughts;  be a compassionate observer
 
5.  Honor the Process
     - Holding onto the past and/or fear of the future interferes
     - Be in the NOW
     - Allow yourself gratitude for today

6.  See the Big Picture
     - The tenor of your divorce sets the stage for your new life
     - You will have an ongoing connection with this person
     - Look 5, 10 years into the future; how small will this all be?

Divorce Links:

http://www.holisticdivorcecounseling.com/ - A wonderful website with a wide range of information offered in a blog format
www.onejourneyconsulting.com — This organization offers support services to people going through a divorce (based in MA, USA)
www.divorceasfriends.com–  Ideas for divorcing in noncontentious ways.
www.blended-families.com –This website offers support for blended families.

www.divorcesource.com - A vast array of resources for individuals going through divorce.

http://womansdivorce.com - This website offers resources and advice to help women take control of their divorce.
www.peacefuldivorce.ning.com - Find here a wide range of ideas and resources for making divorce a peaceful process.
http://childcentereddivorce.com - A website for parents concerned about the effects of divorce on their children.

 Recommended Reading:

The Good Divorce by Constance Ahrons. Harper, 1995.
Divorce Poison by Richard Warshak.  Harper, 2003.

Spiritual Divorce  by Debbie Ford. Harper, 2001.

Other Resources:

“Divorcing Well” - An article on bringing Buddhist practice to divorce counseling.

ABC Meditation Technique (PDF)  - A simple and short meditation technique, as easy as ABC, to help you to relax and begin to cultivate a feeling of inner peacefulness.