I recently attended a professional conference about couples and attachment theory. One casual, off-handed comment by the presenter stuck in my mind. She said, “It matters how you greet your spouse at the end of the day – is your head down texting or do you really welcome each other?”Every day we have a precious opportunity to reconnect with our honey and yet, we mostly take it for granted. “Hi dear, where’s the mail?” “Hi dear, you deal with the kids cuz I’m exhausted.” “Hey, did you pay the mortgage today?” I bet that many of us are met more enthusiastically by the family dog than by our own partner.Imagine meeting your husband at the end of the day as if you had just found him alive after thinking he was dead. Imagine if you met your girlfriend with an attitude of “you matter to me – you are my chosen one.” Look into their eyes as if you cannot believe your good fortune.Dan and I work with this daily opportunity as a ‘shortcut to intimacy’. We make sure that we aren’t one-upped by the dog’s welcome. Instead, we become the puppies, jumping and behaving quite silly as we reunite with a ritual of exuberant love.
Ashley Davis Bush, LCSW is the author of
“Transcending Loss: Understanding the Lifelong Impact of Grief and How to Make it Meaningful”
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